Marriage Is….Love?

July 2nd, 2007

Marriages are made in heaven….that’s why it is a relation with a blend of Love, Commitment, Assurance, Understanding and Trust for each-other. If people call it a sacrifice then it’s not a marriage, b’cox you can any time put yourself out of the misery of being in a sacrifice relationship. I feel very angry and sad when hear about divorce and break-ups after 20 or 25 years of living together or being married and having kids. I mean if you know you are not made for each-other or can’t face each other why live that long together just for the sake of marriage and in the name of sacrifice.

This new ugly and stupid trend set by Bollywood (Aamir Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Kamal Hassan and Shekhar Kapur) is really a lesson for couples who don’t feel compatible with their spouse….give your marriage a best shot, keep all your egos and stubbornness aside. Still there’s no hope than go separate ways before its too late, don’t wait for 20-25 years and then come up with an excuse “Oh it was not a marriage, it was just a sacrifice made for our kids”.

7 signs your marriage is heading for disaster:

  1. Crisis in the bedroom department. By far top of the list, a couple’s intimate life acts as the thermometer of their marriage. When a couple no longer or rarely comes together physically, they are leaving a wide open door for other problems. To be “one” husband and wife must keep the bedroom temperature high. The keywords are frequency, selflessness and quality.
  2. You’re not each other’s best friend. Husband and wife must be able to talk to each other on just about anything. No secrets. A best friend is someone you can confide in, is not judgmental and whose company you enjoy. You laugh together. You know everything about each other. Unfortunately some couples hold themselves back from each other and don’t involve one another in their life. The result? Strangers sharing the same house.
  3. Your best friend is another woman/man. As a married person, if you keep a close friend of the opposite sex other than your spouse, you’re asking for trouble. Not only trouble in the sense that you will be tempted but also b’cox you will provoke your spouse’s jealously.
  4. Problems linger unresolved. There’s a golden rule that couples must set for themselves early in the marriage, never go to bed mad. Resolve any issues between yourself before going for goodnight sleep. A problem unresolved is a problem evolved. It will come back to bite you later, with a vengeance.
  5. You’ve lost respect for each other. When you no longer care what the other person feels or thinks, you’re going down a very luvdangerous road. Call me old-fashioned but I have noticed marriages are healthier when the wife lets the husband lead, be the head of the house and when the husband cares for his wife more than he cares for himself.
  6. You’re putting yourself first. What’s the first thing couples do when they get a divorce? They fight over who is going to keep what. In other words, see how they can get as much as possible from the other. If that us what happens in a divorce, the opposite must happen in a marriage. It’s not what you can get from your spouse, but what you can give him/her. If you normally think about pleasing yourself first than you are not in a marriage relationship.
  7. You don’t want to listen. Experts say that effective communication is 80% listening and 20% speaking. The reasoning behind it is that we can’t really say anything meaningful until we have listened to and understood the other person. In no other situation is this truer than in marriage. You can’t have a relationship without communication and you can’t have proper communication without listening….a lot.

Make no mistake, marriage is a difficult thing. But it is only difficult b’cox people are difficult. If you try to fix the other person, you’ll make it worse. You can only change yourself, not others.

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